Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
