Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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