Can i not drive my cunt home
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
