Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
