Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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