I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this just has baby written all over it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
