I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His hands were made for my vagina.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
