I could make wine with my vomit
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
