took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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