i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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