i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
