His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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