the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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