who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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