he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
