hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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