his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
