whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I only lived at night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
