He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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