Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
