I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
