you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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