he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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