If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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