if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
