theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
