I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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