He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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