On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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