Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
