my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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