You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
