Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
