if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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