My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
