I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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