So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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