When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
