So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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