well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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