My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
