They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
where am i from again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
