last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
