The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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