The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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