wat bout pragnant strippers??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
