So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
