hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
