Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
