It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
