I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
