the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
