NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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