After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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