Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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