Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
