Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
