He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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